Well let us see...
The first couple of days were horrible, especially Friday and Monday.
- Friday = bad news left and right. I woke up and was having a pretty great day, I was smiling just because I wanted to! And then I when I got to my parent's house in Stallis I read the email saying I would have to wait till Tuesday instead of that day to find out if I'm still a student at MIAD. Then I got a FUN email from Joel's girlfriend Helen (who btw I like now) that made me stress, well I'm still stressing over it. And upon finding all of that news I had an hour before getting picked up to go to the Girls Camp Overniter to work on organizing everything. So I had to suck it up and put on a mask of happy and try to focus on the people there. Though I will say that seeing some of the girls and their excitement helped me out.
- Monday I told Jakob (aka William- that's his birth name, but because of reasons he wants to change his name) about what Helen sent me and then told him something that I wanted to wait till he was hone to tell him so that way he wouldn't need to worry and I could tell him face to face. And maybe I should have left that part out and waited, but I don't know, I guess I had to or it was the right time...though probably not. And his disappointment and hurt killed me, still is eating at me. But I'm not going to lie a part of me got a flash back to Joel and I's relationship...and I felt like I was being scolded by an owner and being told what to do- which I had said "I'll do anything you say" sooooo IDK but that's just a small part of me. I have this thing were I'll do what I'm told not to do sometimes (my mom says I get it from her) and also because of stories from my mom I'm terrified of controlling relationships- of marrying someone and then them changing into a controlling monster shortly after, like you never really knew them at all. And, to add to the list of WHY a small part of me isn't liking what Jake said back to me is because I'm noticing that now that I've taken a step for myself I've gotten a real taste of freedom and I refuse to be locked back down because I still haven't broken free. Plus Monday was the day my appeal was being judged.
Then as the days went on my confidence started to grow a teensy bit in a few aspects of my life.
- Tuesday was a fluke...it HAD to be. That was the day I was to find out what the school would do with me AND my mom decided that that was the day her, Joe (her IT guy) and I would go shopping for a mac book pro for me (since that was supposed to be my graduation gift about 2 1/2 years ago) and she kept going on and on about how with my school and student discount we could do this and that....All I could think was CRAP. So I constantly checked my email as much as I could before she urged me out the door (keep in mind my parents do not know about this appeal thing) and we got to the Apple store. Eventually we were purchasing and the guy put in my student ID and it looked like he was having trouble....but then it worked and he gave my ID back to me....and I was like THANK GOD (thank you God!). And then as soon as I got back to the house I checked my e-mail and I saw the email I had been waiting for! lol I am registered back in for the fall semester!!! With conditions of course, but HELLS YUS!!!!!!!!
- So that was TWO great things for Tuesday, and I mean really GREAT things...had to be a fluke.
- Wednesday was very crappy and nerve racking and my mind was mush practically ALL day. But then after about 3 the day got better jamming out to Queen and other great songs with Josh in his car and trollin the malls lol AND I went to Noodles for the first time courtesy of Josh and it was good. Oh! and Panera has my favorite strawberry salad back!!!! lol
- Today is Thursday and my boyfriend, Kevin, bailed on me with going to Downtown Books...not gonna lie I kinda called that lol But, I also have a LOT of camp organizing and such to do before camp starts so what ever lol HIS LOSS. It makes me laugh at how good he is at avoiding things lol *sigh* I do really need to have a talk with him though, in all seriousness. I really let that boy get away with just about anything lol.
SO yeah, that's all I got to say about that
enjoy this link that I've been jamming to, I freakin love this track.
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